Monday, 5 June 2017

Smol thing 2

When I used to play Habbo Hotel, an online SOCIAL game, I used to shorten all my words because ~~Internet Slang~~ and that included saying come as cum.

Also, I used to play with a female avatar to start relationships with boys only to tell them I was lesbian.

Smol things with bop~

Thursday, 18 May 2017

Smol thing

I'm often worried that when I wear makeup with black clothes, I'll come off as goth so I try my hardest to veer away from any emo revivals. Just a smol thing with William Tran.

Life Update

Uni semester is going swimmingly. I'm doing eh in my core subjects which doesn't bother me and I've aced 2/3 electives - the third one I haven't been assessed on yet. This is good because they're within fields that I do want to pursue - editing, design and directing.

I was talking to somebody about my life once and I came to the realisation that my life is at a good place. I'm doing well in school, I don't dread any classes and I look forward to the future. I also had just finished the first complete draft of my project script and was very proud :) Tmr, I'm working with a couple of acting students to do a test shoot which fingers crossed will go well. I'm sweatin' bullets.

Re: My life being in a good place --> I also realised that I don't need to be a gaffer or a camera operator or a super technical person on a set to thrive in this industry. I can design and edit shit and never have to touch a piece of equipment on a set ever. :)

As for my love life - BLAH, WHO NEEDS IT.

I'm also very excited for Japan and Korea in a couple months time~~~~~~~ NO WAIT IT'S NEXT MONTH!!!!!!!

I really really hope oozy_tattoo will tattoo us. Or me, at least me.

Coles is fine.

Apart from all that, there's really not a lot to say.

Friends are cool. Maria has access to labradors so that's nice.

The other day I couldn't find Eva for a while in our tiny backyard and so I immediately thought she passed and my mother got rid of the body without telling me or my brother. At first, I tried to stay calm but I couldn't help but jump to the conclusion that my dog had died. So after that, I tried accepting that she was old and it was bound to happen one day, it's just how things are but then I was overwhelmed by a feeling of 'I'm not ready for this'. I just wasn't fucking ready. And then I found Eva's new sleeping spot! She's fluffy now that it's closer to Winter.

Do seasons need to capitalised?


Tuesday, 3 January 2017

New Years Resolutions

Here's a list of things I wanna do to better myself that I believe I can stick to.
  1. Develop a skin routine or something to help me out here.
  2. Better body? Shore.
  3. More vegetarian meals. Or just eat less meat. Same same.
  4. Learn how to contour lmao
  5. Get my P's!!!
  6. Better my posture
  7. Keep my oral hygiene up, i keep fking up me gums
  8. Try to whiten me teeth, get me some of that activated charcoal
  9. Up my photography skillz
  10. I guess I should also up my film skillz lol
It's odd, when I thought this up last night in bed, I completely forgot it was my final year at aftrs. Tbh, I'm still ignoring the fact? I'm a bit anxious about Japan and my major project clashing but I'm also p confident future me will find a way around it.

I wanna also be more aware of sexist remarks against men (hear me out here!!!)

I still hate men. LOL Okay, whoops, okay, let's start over.

I will probably continue to be super mad at men for all the shit they do because fkn lol what else can they do except shit all over the place,

Okay, let's get more to the point. I will always be a feminist but this year, I'm gonna try and include straight men in that too [ew (sorry, it's 2017, I'll stop)]

Anyways I have a new plan of saying "that's not very feminist of you" when they say kinda gross stuff about guys when they cannot do anything about that certain thing. ie body shaming, objectification, idk what else but we'll find out.

Anyways, I fkn hate this new joke that facebookers have against sjw's, the whole triggered meme and shit like that, it feels so toxic. It's supposedly justified because it's aimed at really psycho people who complain about anything but it's become so much more than that? Now, whenever any marginalised group speaks up (usually women), they'll be chastised about it and everything will be blown out of proportion and it feels like such a step backwards. And we're back where we started with the white boys dominating the conversation and devaluing important social issues with fucking memes that cause more damage than they probably realise because they're self-righteous idiots. It's also interesting to see the term white person become a negative tho. They got so hurt, and yet I also don't think any of the ones who got their feelings hurt realised that that was how a lot of non-white people felt growing up and also that hurt feelings is as bad as it gets for them?

Anyways, back to new years resolutions lmao I got carried away.

Oh wait that was it, okay bye!!

Tuesday, 20 December 2016

The years to come

I've been thinking about studying abroad after aftrs, picking up a postgraduate somewhere like Berlin. But every time I think about it, I get a bit scared of the idea. It reminds me of my first few days in Berlin and how I got so lost and flustered so easily.

I've also been thinking a lot about myself as a filmmaker and as a writer. I do not have a lot of experience in dialogue-writing at all. I want to be good at it but I don't think I will be. I'm hoping I'll figure this out when we do our major projects next year. I should also be making more films tho.

This was supposed to be like Jess' post where she plans the next five years but tbh I'm still  figuring a lot of things out.

I think I do really want to become a music video director tho. We had an end of year feedback survey and my mate Jaspy wrote that AFTRS should have a career advising sort of space or something of the like for people who just had questions like what do I do if I want to become a music video director? And I thought that was really interesting.

I'll leave u here. Idk.

Sunday, 11 December 2016

Saturday, 15 October 2016

Holding the Man

Maria got me the book for my birthday.

It's a memoir from an Australian writer and actor, Timothy Conigrave.

Before reading it:

Expectations were, White Gays, will I relate? I heard the movie was good and I mean the book is a penguin classic too.

Whilst reading it:

White Gays, How did Tim get a bf so quick, where were the gays of CVHS!!!, I mean I know John will die (it's in the blurb) but still jealz. His writing is quite boring, plain, the way he thinks makes him a little unlikeable. Where's the poetry.

However, by the end, I was washed over by this remorse (so mission accomplished, Holding the Man) but it's just... It's odd.

Throughout the book, I visualised Tim and John as two people I had met before. Tim Conigrave made me think of this guy called Timothy who I had slept with. Could they have been the SAME timothy's??? No. But he was so aussie, the accent but gay. Have you seen Priscilla, Queen of the Desert? Or just imagine an aussie drag queen. Fun fact, the tim I knew used to be a drag queen - he called her Leva Salone. Anyways, I imagined a younger version of him. That was Tim. For John Caleo, I imagined Fynn. Fynn was this 19 yr old boy I met who came to Sydney from Germany. It didn't go past 3 dates and it was surprising it went past the second. He was v cute and v pritty. However, he was also very un-italian and John was like Italian lol but anyways, he was nice to picture as I read the book.

I just googled Timothy Conigrave and found a photo of them. They are nothing like I imagined hahaha Especially John (and I am soooooooooo glad I didn't know what they looked like before reading the book because yikes).

Anyways, it was as sad as the critics said.

It wasn't written amazingly, it was just a lot of recounting but I guess it was better than it what I'm saying now because it messed me up post-reading.

I googled Holding the Man right before I wrote this post and I read the little piece of the wiki page that google gave me:

"Holding the Man is a 1995 memoir by Australian writer, actor, and activist Timothy Conigrave. The book tells the story of Tim's life, and centrally of his relationship with his lover of fifteen years, John Caleo."

And as I read that (I think "memoir" sparked it), I just felt this deep deep sadness because I was reminded that everything that happened in that book actually happened. It was all real. And compared to what the author had experienced in real time, the book was a millisecond. Timothy Conigrave watched his lover die. John Caleo, the nicest person you'd ever know, stopped breathing.

The book didn't need to be poetic or anything fancy. If it did, maybe it wouldn't have felt as real. It wasn't fabricated. And that kills me. I didn't realise before I read the book that it was a memoir and when I did piece together that the main character's name was Timothy Conigrave, it didn't hit me until after the book. How odd.