Tuesday, 3 January 2017

New Years Resolutions

Here's a list of things I wanna do to better myself that I believe I can stick to.
  1. Develop a skin routine or something to help me out here.
  2. Better body? Shore.
  3. More vegetarian meals. Or just eat less meat. Same same.
  4. Learn how to contour lmao
  5. Get my P's!!!
  6. Better my posture
  7. Keep my oral hygiene up, i keep fking up me gums
  8. Try to whiten me teeth, get me some of that activated charcoal
  9. Up my photography skillz
  10. I guess I should also up my film skillz lol
It's odd, when I thought this up last night in bed, I completely forgot it was my final year at aftrs. Tbh, I'm still ignoring the fact? I'm a bit anxious about Japan and my major project clashing but I'm also p confident future me will find a way around it.

I wanna also be more aware of sexist remarks against men (hear me out here!!!)

I still hate men. LOL Okay, whoops, okay, let's start over.

I will probably continue to be super mad at men for all the shit they do because fkn lol what else can they do except shit all over the place,

Okay, let's get more to the point. I will always be a feminist but this year, I'm gonna try and include straight men in that too [ew (sorry, it's 2017, I'll stop)]

Anyways I have a new plan of saying "that's not very feminist of you" when they say kinda gross stuff about guys when they cannot do anything about that certain thing. ie body shaming, objectification, idk what else but we'll find out.

Anyways, I fkn hate this new joke that facebookers have against sjw's, the whole triggered meme and shit like that, it feels so toxic. It's supposedly justified because it's aimed at really psycho people who complain about anything but it's become so much more than that? Now, whenever any marginalised group speaks up (usually women), they'll be chastised about it and everything will be blown out of proportion and it feels like such a step backwards. And we're back where we started with the white boys dominating the conversation and devaluing important social issues with fucking memes that cause more damage than they probably realise because they're self-righteous idiots. It's also interesting to see the term white person become a negative tho. They got so hurt, and yet I also don't think any of the ones who got their feelings hurt realised that that was how a lot of non-white people felt growing up and also that hurt feelings is as bad as it gets for them?

Anyways, back to new years resolutions lmao I got carried away.

Oh wait that was it, okay bye!!

Tuesday, 20 December 2016

The years to come

I've been thinking about studying abroad after aftrs, picking up a postgraduate somewhere like Berlin. But every time I think about it, I get a bit scared of the idea. It reminds me of my first few days in Berlin and how I got so lost and flustered so easily.

I've also been thinking a lot about myself as a filmmaker and as a writer. I do not have a lot of experience in dialogue-writing at all. I want to be good at it but I don't think I will be. I'm hoping I'll figure this out when we do our major projects next year. I should also be making more films tho.

This was supposed to be like Jess' post where she plans the next five years but tbh I'm still  figuring a lot of things out.

I think I do really want to become a music video director tho. We had an end of year feedback survey and my mate Jaspy wrote that AFTRS should have a career advising sort of space or something of the like for people who just had questions like what do I do if I want to become a music video director? And I thought that was really interesting.

I'll leave u here. Idk.

Sunday, 11 December 2016

Saturday, 15 October 2016

Holding the Man

Maria got me the book for my birthday.

It's a memoir from an Australian writer and actor, Timothy Conigrave.

Before reading it:

Expectations were, White Gays, will I relate? I heard the movie was good and I mean the book is a penguin classic too.

Whilst reading it:

White Gays, How did Tim get a bf so quick, where were the gays of CVHS!!!, I mean I know John will die (it's in the blurb) but still jealz. His writing is quite boring, plain, the way he thinks makes him a little unlikeable. Where's the poetry.

However, by the end, I was washed over by this remorse (so mission accomplished, Holding the Man) but it's just... It's odd.

Throughout the book, I visualised Tim and John as two people I had met before. Tim Conigrave made me think of this guy called Timothy who I had slept with. Could they have been the SAME timothy's??? No. But he was so aussie, the accent but gay. Have you seen Priscilla, Queen of the Desert? Or just imagine an aussie drag queen. Fun fact, the tim I knew used to be a drag queen - he called her Leva Salone. Anyways, I imagined a younger version of him. That was Tim. For John Caleo, I imagined Fynn. Fynn was this 19 yr old boy I met who came to Sydney from Germany. It didn't go past 3 dates and it was surprising it went past the second. He was v cute and v pritty. However, he was also very un-italian and John was like Italian lol but anyways, he was nice to picture as I read the book.

I just googled Timothy Conigrave and found a photo of them. They are nothing like I imagined hahaha Especially John (and I am soooooooooo glad I didn't know what they looked like before reading the book because yikes).

Anyways, it was as sad as the critics said.

It wasn't written amazingly, it was just a lot of recounting but I guess it was better than it what I'm saying now because it messed me up post-reading.

I googled Holding the Man right before I wrote this post and I read the little piece of the wiki page that google gave me:

"Holding the Man is a 1995 memoir by Australian writer, actor, and activist Timothy Conigrave. The book tells the story of Tim's life, and centrally of his relationship with his lover of fifteen years, John Caleo."

And as I read that (I think "memoir" sparked it), I just felt this deep deep sadness because I was reminded that everything that happened in that book actually happened. It was all real. And compared to what the author had experienced in real time, the book was a millisecond. Timothy Conigrave watched his lover die. John Caleo, the nicest person you'd ever know, stopped breathing.

The book didn't need to be poetic or anything fancy. If it did, maybe it wouldn't have felt as real. It wasn't fabricated. And that kills me. I didn't realise before I read the book that it was a memoir and when I did piece together that the main character's name was Timothy Conigrave, it didn't hit me until after the book. How odd.



Thursday, 8 September 2016


I think my favourite thing about Berlin was the fact that people told us we looked like were locals lol It gave me a bit of a high. Then I would open my mouth and ppl would be like oh nvm...

I felt safe in Berlin.

Whenever I say that, I realise that I feel safe in Sydney too but it has its... well, moments (but maybe so would berlin if I lived there). I don't know. But it's like they said in year 12: "Belonging".

I've also been told by a lot of Germans (two) that you don't know Germany if you've only been to Berlin. I remember that made jess a bit sad and I also remember thinking bitch you're in Berlin!!!! You traveled Europe!!!!

I can't wait to travel the rest of the world. I can't wait to hike all over the world tbh. Like in Germany and Canada and Iceland and New Zealand.

Anyways, Berlin was fantastic. However, I hate that on the first two days, I tried to find a tattoo place for a sun tattoo and got so fkn lost and flustered and mad at the train systems and I essentially wasted two days looking for something I realised I wasn't even ready for.

I really enjoyed my time in Berlin tho. I loved the history and the art and the markets and I guess my biggest regret (and probably jess' too) was that I never ate a fucking apple strudel.

I've been thinking about moving to Berlin. Or that other place that I can't remember but people kept saying it was quite a cool scene (Hanover?). I won't be there long, probs just a year. But I want to study there, something like editing or some shit, Idk something film but in GERMANY. I just want to be there. I often think about what it'll be like to leave home for so long and it'll be awful. I won't have my mum who I depend on so much lol idk how I'll react to being away from my brother and dad hm and I'll miss kik. I'll especially miss Maria who I can't imagine being away from which sounds v sad but it's unfortunately true. I'll probably miss the weather. This guy I know from Essen says he especially loves Australia's weather and I find it odd considering he's been here for a only a little over a month and we haven't had the best weather? So what's that mean for German weather???

Berlin's weather was p good when we were there except for that time it rained heavily and I got my nails done and ran into a fucking glass wall in front of the whole salon and also that time we were waiting in line for Berghain and it rained and nobody left the line.

Btw absolute favourite one star review from any place ever (this was Berghain):

I honestly don't know what I want to do with my life. But I just know I have to move to Germany. Also the same two germans told me that most people in Germany speak English which is comforting. I also hope I learn the language tho.

Also I've gone on three dates with this guy from Essen and the first date I reckon I did p well but I also learnt that that's my limit. After the first date, I go to shits lol. I hope he feels the same about himself, that would make me feel better.

Tchuss! (<-- look at me go lol)

PS: The related tracks feature on soundcloud is a godsend. It gives you such good, spot-on recommended tracks, I'm having such a good time listening to songs I've never heard before ^_^

Wednesday, 17 August 2016


Budapest was a nice surprise.

I thought it was gonna be a bit more poor/secondwordly than other European countries but it wasn't at all. I think this idea came about based on the accom price relative to the other cities and the fact that Budapest just isn't included in a lot of eurotrip lists.

The airport was small, and the taxi driver didn't speak English and in the car-ride/touching down on the plane, I saw a lot of pine trees and farming fields and so I thought it'd be p agricultural and old-fashioned but it wasn't at all what I imagined. The well-designed airport taxi system was the first clue.

The city has this nice old timeliness to it. The buildings and landmarks were old but they just stood out so well amongst the urban terrain. The train system was so easy to follow, the landmarks were lit up at night, hungarian food was yum as, shopping was nice and we three kik ppl just had a good time.

We went to a ruins bar which was like a big building with run down rooms that you could just hang out in? Idk how to describe it, but it attracted a lot of attractive tourists and the music was p good. It felt kinda like Vietnam in the sense that it was a lot of pop songs with popular edm drops (except vn was always two years behind with its western top40). I wish that photobooth machine took my money. It would've been a sick piece of memorabilia. They also had a kitchen downstairs, I love how clubs in Europe have food.

We also went to this lookout but what got me the most was how we got to it. Like it was a piece of land locked in by roads but it was like it was a forest or mountain? Like it had a waterfall and you're going up the whole time and it feels like the climb in Miley Cyrus' The Climb. But it's a park and it's fkn odd but pretty. I liked it.

I also went to see a Picasso exhibition and was the only pleb there reading the English descriptions on the wall.

The gay scene was as icy as Sydney's :(

Indian food always deliverz for me tbh.

That's all I can remember lol bye