LOL Okay, bear/bare with me

whilst I try and get through this whole sharing music people don't want to listen to phase.

Anyways, LOL, so here is a french (?) rapper by the name of Fedez. The song is Cigno Nero - Fedez feat. Francesca Michielin:



I think it's pretty catchy. I mean, I understand nothing of it, but I like the sounds that are coming out of their mouths. Also, guise, look at his piercings and tattoos and hair and face shape and ughhh. LOL Yeah, he's looks are like 75% the reason he's on my blog right now :L But there's always that thing about good-looking people knowing how goodlooking they are. But it's not even their fault, it'd be just as bad if they didn't know. As long as he's not a giant douchebag [but then there's the fact that his name, Fedez, is tattooed backwards on his neck (buuuuut, Fedez/Zedef could be like a stage name that he used to show his admiration for someone, like how Andy Brown named his band Lawson after the doctor who saved his life, and the tatt could be his tribute to a certain person or thing, rightttt???)] Anyways, the song is pretty much like any other pop-rap song on the radio with a guy rapping through the verses, accompanied by pretty female singers for the choruses. But, who knows, the lyrics could be super deep and the most beautiful words ever rapped by man. I guess I'll never know, unless I learn the language or google a translation :L But seriously guys, he's not perfect but he is fineeee.

You know what, that's all I wanted to share. I should finish MY DAMN EASY-ASS ASSIGNMENT. Hahahaha, jess, remember when we had a sub for english in hs, and he abbreviated assignment on the board as assmt and it looked like Ass Mountain hahahahhaa.

UPDATE: Apparently the song is in Italian. In fact, the title of the song, Cigno Nero, is Italian for Black Swan  :o

So this is my way of seeing adulthood

I used to be so weirded out by the way adults would speak to each other. How they'd be so polite and so sensible and the jokes they made. Like, they're not funny jokes, but people laugh, out of politeness and because they understand why the person is making these jokes. Pretty much, it creeped me out but I now see what's happening. Being young, I only ever spoke to my brother and my friends and it was always casual as. But it's like talking to teachers.

Okay, lol, I tried to make a nice interesting thing to blog about, but ugh. Can't get the words out, I'm terrible at this. All in all, eventually, we might live a life where all we do is speak like robots as to climb a ladder, and if that ever happens to me, I'll be even afraid of myself. And who wants to become that?

Okay, let's move on. So I was at manning bar in usyd with a friend today and at like one pm, a bunch of theatre students? Theatre society students came running out and there were a bunch of theatre sport games. Twas hilarious, and some of them were really good like the butcher one, oh the butcher one. LOL yes, I know, y'all dun give a damn but I give a damn and THAT'S WHAT MATTERS. ME.

Anyways, my life is aiight. I'm beginning to question as to why I hate engineering to much. I want to say it's because I went into the wrong area, that I chose the one thing I didn't do well in in the hsc - science. But then  there's that feeling deep down inside, that maybe I'm just being really lazy. What's putting me off is how badly I'm doing in the exams. It is true that my lack of passion for my subjects is a large factor as to why I'm not doing well, but there's also the fact that I'm lazy and I don't get around to things, and I'm thinking, right? I'm thinking what else can I do? What is there that will get me a good job, a good future, that won't bring up the same problems? Law has too much reading and everything else is science. Ew. Quite frankly, I'd be so happy if everybody would just let me do what I want. Okay, so more thinking, like right now, right? I'm starting to think that it's not the riskiness that's holding me back from film. I don't want to be the type to blame everybody else but myself - but I feel as if the only reason I'm not going for it is because I'm afraid of how angry everybody will be. How my family will hate it and pretty much, I don't care about failing my course, I care about what they'll think of me and how they'll react. And really, I don't want to continue in this sort-of unhappiness. I really hate where my life is right now.

Okay, time to wait for when I worry about how scary the world is still. Another post then.

Otherwise, au revoir. I'm sorry but I am waaaaay too lazy to reread this post :L Enjoy the mistakes.

A Blast of Music to feed yo soul

So it's 1 in the morn and I should sleep for uni tmr but I ended up youtubing songs I got through shazam :L Here, listen along.

1. Every Tear Drop Is A Waterfall - Coldplay (Swedish House Mafia Remix) I had already liked this song because it was just a nice feelgood song. A fun song about letting go of worries and listening to your favourite tunes. And then I heard this version while Collin was driving me home, on the radio. I kinda liked it so I shazamed that bitch and now I can't stop dancing to it :) LOL I could make videos just of me dancing to the song :L I'd get 0-1 hits but oh well :L Anyways, here you go, track number 1:

2. I heard this one when I was in the car with Jess. We had both agreed that the song was quite alright. It is Gangsta - Kat Dahlia.



3. I heard this one actually a week ago. I remember having a fever and just going in and out of sleep. At one point, my brov was watching one of his own shows, Blue Mountain State, and this song came on. I wasn't watching, I just lying there, trying to sweat out the fever, listening to dialogue. I later went back the the episode he watched and shazam! Little People - The Procussions.



4. This one was from the season finale of Glee. Okay, so let's talk about that ep, aye? LOL Just a heads up, there are spoilers in this paragraph. But I doubt y'all watch enough glee to care. Anyways, so first up, I totes knew Unique was the catfish. Okay, lol, now my main point. The new directions totally suck now. Okay, not completely. But they need a new Rachel. Marley just ain't cutting it. She's got a beautiful raw, natural voice but it just ain't as great and strong as Rachel's. Now the Hoosierdaddies (not sure on spelling) were great. Even though Frida (portrayed by Idol contestant Jessica Sanchez) hogged the spotlight, who cares :L She deserves it. This episode pretty much showed me how much the new directions were lacking, and without their big voices like Rachel and Santana, they need more than just a few popular songs or even originals. This episode they couldn't even make it believable that they won regionals. It was so stupid. Their songs were good but not better than the Hooshierdaddies, with Clarity and Wings. I can understand that the new directions had a better range in terms of variety and having diff voices given the spotlight but ughhh. The hooshierdaddies had a much better set, a better singer and better dancers. THEY SHOULD HAVE WON, I'M VERY ANGRY AND I CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS DAMN SHOW. Anyways, a really fun cover done by the glee cast, one which I cannot stop listening to, performed by Jessica Sanchez, we have: Wings - Little Mix (Glee Version)



Your words don't mean a thing.
I'm not listening, keep talking,
all I know is.
MAMA TOLD ME NOT TO WASTE MY LIFE,
SHE SAID SPREAD YOUR WINGS, MY LITTLE BUTTERFLY.
DON'T LET WHAT THEY SAY KEEP YOU UP AT NIGHT,
AND THEY CAN'T DETAIN YOU,
'CAUSE WINGS ARE MADE TO FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
NO WE DON'T LET NOBODY BRING US DOWN.
NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY IT WON'T HURT ME.
DON'T MATTER IF I FALL FROM THE SKY,
THESE WINGS ARE MADE TO FLY.

Thank you, thank you.

5. A cute song introduced to me by the adorable little BMO. It's featured in the episode Shh of Adventure Time with Finn and Jake. It's the song that makes BMO happy, the one he was gonna dance to with the Bikini Babes and the one he used to comfort himself whilst hiding from finn and jake. It's so cute! and so is BMO!!! Oh, if only I had a gif of him dancing while he was showing finn and jake, ahhh. Anyways, enjoy it, No Wonder I - Lake:



And now, we talk about doctor who. This is a talk about the most recent season finale so if you are not up to there, stop reading. I REPEAT, POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR DOCTOR WHO VIEWERS. LOL So I love Clara, and  I love River. That is all. LOL I joke, I also love Jenny and her cute little accent. And I loved that ep. I guess it was super confusing, but the whole Clara conundrum was tied up. And yet there was the ending with John Hurt?????? Whaaat??? Jess raised a theory of it being nine but redone or something, which sounds cool. I got shivers when he turned around right at the end and they had the Introducing John Hurt as The Doctor, and they had the heavy sound, you know, as the words came up. And ahhh, to be continued, NOVEMBER 23RD!! Can't wait!! Okay, that's all for today. No more, "spoilers" ;) Love you big head river.

BYE GUYS, THANKS FOR READING AND LISTENING. Hope you enjoyed the music.

My life has got to be like this, it's got to keep going on.

So let's blawg til the sun go down.

Ummmm..... Let's pick a random topic. Oh, let's go with Chinese people.

Why are they so Chinese for? I mean right???

Next topic:

Hey, Jess. You will soon be outside my house yet again. Along with other peeps. As to who? I am unsure.

Topic 3:

I'm currently listening to Sam Tsui's cover of Clarity. It's a good song, lawd. I remember always hearing it when I was on the dance floor and everybody knew the lyrics and I just made it up to fit in. I'm pretty sure the people around me were judging or laughing but who cares, dancing is fun.

Yet another topic: I'm really lucky and happy to have the friends I do now.

Look Meredith, A TOPIC: Isn't this great? Bringing things up but not going into large detail about them?

Like my dream blog, which I will prolly never write in again. Because these dreams are too weird. Like the places I'm in make no sense, and I suck at explaining the normal things already so, like, no. Oh my god, I had another zombie dream today and it was so scary! But so cool. I love zombies but I wouldn't last two seconds in a zombie apocalypse. But yeah, I'll tell you about it here.

Pretty much, I was in a group of survivors which included mai, jess and drew for some reason. And there were little parts of the dream, like we were in a little quad thing, you know that small monster truck looking vehicle? Yeah, let's call it a quadcycle... Anyways, we had that which is super stupid because it exposes our whole bodies so kinda pointless. Anyways, we were walking along a little park footpath, and on one side of the path was a wall of stone right? Like a cliffside. And the other was metal fences. And along the metal fence was a love poem. And at one end of the path was the girl the poem was aimed at and she was crying out of joy? But maybe grief because it could've been the last thing he did for her, aww. Anyways, we went to the end of the path, and there was the guy. I think he kinda looked or dressed like Eminem. Anyways, we were like, yo, I think your gf is looking for you. And he didn't move to even look at us... Anyways, next part, we were in a car and the driver was some random old guy right? :L I don't know, and we were driving around and then we turned a corner into a horde of zombies. Tried to escape, knocked something over? And pretty much exposed a group of scientists. Also, for some reason the car door was open and a zombie tried to get into my side and I was pushing at it and trying to close the door and I was freaking outtttt, and I won and survived. Anyways, last section of dream: We were sitting at a dinner table, discussing survival and this was like a normal dining room. And then I went into the hall and saw like a bunch of zombies and I was like, guyssss, the undeadddd. And pretty much, everybody was facing and listening to the old guy who was facing everybody else right? And I saw a very slow zombie walking behind him, coming for him, and I was like, yo man, behind you, whispering as to not alert the zombies in the hall and old guy just stands still. Like what? So I yelled, despite the zombies in the hall, and I look at everybody else and they're like playing dead? I don't know, their heads just went limp. It could've been a very mean joke or they died just like that. Anyways, I ran into the kitchen and crouched behind the counters and I was all alone in my dream and so scared. Scared to the point I think I actually woke myself up as to get out of the situation. Who knows. Anyways, all in all, zombies are cool unless you face them.

Continuation of 2nd topic: Jess, u r taking a while.

Topic 7: I should be studying. I'm failing everything and I'll probably fail a unit or two because I suck.

8: I just tried a tiny pair of overalls that were short shorts and it was so slimming lolololol, guess who's going dragggggg. And my legs looked amazing, it's just that my crotch was a bit unpleasant to look at. Why am I telling you this? If you're asking me this, why are you even here?

9: I should check out my chem assignment before it suddenly becomes five hours until the deadline.

10: It don't mean a thing if I ain't in your eyes, poppin' it. It ain't gonna fly, no. A LITTLE PARTY NEVER KILLED NOBODY, SO WE GON' DANCE UNTIL WE DROP.

11. And that is all I guess. Let's leave this here for a while. See if we can write something else.

2 continued yet again: So apparently they went to Andrew's house before mine, explaining the lag. We ended up hanging in my living room for an hour and then we went to the German Austrian Club next to cabra pools. I think I was unhappy because I had the most terrible headache the whole time. I had wiener schnitzel, it was pretty good. Didn't like the vegetables though. After we went to Andrew's house where he gave me panamax and it was the bomb. It worked and I learned to love again. Anyways, we hung there for a bit and then left. It was an alright night :) German food is so expensive.

12: "History don't repeat itself, it rhymes." I don't even know what it means, I just think it sounds cool :L

Okay, I is out, hollaaa. Bye, guys :)

So I wrote a post at uni the other day but screw that, it was the most drepressing thing. It was really boring :L So, instead, let's talk about The Great Gatsby soundtrack, whoooo. Okay, so, it is beaut. I very much like it. It has like so many things that I love in one thingggg. Okay, so I wasn't sure if I liked Will.I.Am and Fergie's mix of now and then, electro and jazz, but I dun mind it. I like Fergie's song. It's good :D But it's a no for William. Lana and Florence - beaut. Can't believe mX called Lana's song dry though, those douches. LOL Some lady did a jazzy cover of Crazy in Love by beyonce. It was alright too, she sounded like shakira. OH MY GOD, FAVOURITE PART OF THE SOUNDTRACK THOUGH = THE XX'S AMAZING SONG, TOGETHER. Specifically, the violin part near the end. It's so beautiful, I lurveeee it. I also like Sia's song, she has an amazing voice. I also like how she says kill as keel. KEEEEEL AND RUN, KEEEEEEEEEEEL AND RUNNNNNNN. And I also very much like Nero's Into the Past. It's v nice and sounds lovely against my ear drums. Anyways, that's it. That's all I've done.

Oh, I went to eat German people with Jess, E and Mars. The pork belly was delicious.

Here, have something that I wrote at uni the other day also:

A CONVERSATION

Can someone please lend me braveness?

I’ll use it for my own selfish needs, I assure you.

I just need it for a couple of years.

I’m sure its effect will stick to me permanently by then.

Anybody?

I’ll give you my company, more valuable than courage.

We’ll sink like anchors, but we can clasp onto each other, die the cowards we are, in a slight embrace.

That sounds nice.

It is. Take my hand and hold your breath for as long as you can.

As long as I can?

As long as you want.

She wound chains around my body and kissed the padlock for luck.

And with rope, she tired herself also, to the anchor laced with all our secrets.

As a sign of trust, we faced our backs towards the ocean and let go, falling deep into its arms. And as soon as we hit the water, I was left alone, sinking, with chains, and the sacred padlock, a rusty, old anchor and empty rope.

Das Vidaniya, my beautiful mermaid charlotte. Send a message to the bottom of the ocean one day, okay?

I promise.

Also, I wrote this thing, and just now I made a video about it, heyyyyy [the poem is past the vid on this post if you can't understand :L]:

Description: LOL yeah, this isn't a proper accent, I don't even think you can call it one :L It's just talking with a certain rhythm :L
 
And this is the poem I am reciting :)

RESCUE

We’ve been staring at this clock for ages now.

It doesn’t tick or tock, the hand just glides smoothly,

Over the face,

No interruptions, or time to weep,

Just swift seconds, dragged

Incessantly.

What are we doing here?

Why are we like this, stuck still,

In slow motion? What’s our

Aim?

“Are we dolls now?”, I wonder,

Trying to force back the hands of time.

Trying to unwind the memories that passed us by, so that,

We maybe end up back where we started.

So that we’re maybe happy again.

So that maybe we don’t slit our wrists out of pure boredom?

Another aeon has passed and you haven’t blinked once.

I’ll give you a call when I get out of here.

When I’m free.

And I’ll hope to God at least you’ll close your eyes once.

And I’ll hope to God that you speak to me again, that you pick up the phone, and utter the words, “Take me with you.”

And I’ll hope to God we’ll never see our own faces again because you’re always in my reflection,

And it sickens me.

Adieu, mein puppe-gesicht Freund.

Youtube tried to fix the shakiness but it kinda create an underwater effect at some points and I liked it :L

Anyways, bye guys. And jess you are waiting outside lolololol k bye

"U N I sex, Joey"

So let's start off with what uni has shown me like no other - ie the transition from asia to a world of white:

1. White people with dreadlocks.
2. A sea of hipster shirts, like oh my god. Funky patterns, autumn leaves, pretty flowers, I drown in them, day in day out. You also notice that if you do see a pretty button-up on the train, 99% of the time, they'll get off at Redfern.
3. Nicely moustached people :)
4. "Cheers!" -> How do I respond to that??? Hand someone a sheet - "Cheers!" "Oh, um, thanks! Cool? It's alright? Do I say cheers back?? That's somewhat awks. "Cheers!" "Cheers!" "What?" "Oh."

There's more but I'll mention once I remember.

Anways, so uni - let's taco 'bout it.  It sucks, but not entirely. The work takes effort, and I've never been good at, well, effort. I just cannot count on myself, not even to save my own life. But there are enjoyable things. Have another list:

1. VSA is a great thing to be a part of. You get free food and the people are very nice. It's kind-of a place to belong and sometimes you get to dress up and go to fancy events or dinners.
2. I've made two friends in German. I count them as friends because they say hi and bye to me, which is nice. Class isn't as lonely anymore.
3. I remember when I started out, I was so alone during breaks. I sat on the wooden benches and I ate my food and read my book. I kept on pretending the sun was nice and the view was lovely, but it was always kinda cold and I always wanted to be in the view, with friends of my own. Sometimes, I would go to a learning hub to sit and and find a good wi-fi connection, so I could check out whatsapp. But now, I have ems on Wednesday afternoons, and sometimes I see Jubilant Jess at the hidden lounge and I study too. I also spend tuesday afternoons with maria, and those are my favourite parts of the week.
4. I've met more people with similar interests and we can squeal together about movies and shows.

Uni can be nice. It wasn't as perfect or lovely as it seemed before, but it's not as bad as it could be.

I wonder if my German class will ever know I'm gay.

I want to be fluent nowwww. I wanna say things like "you're beautiful" and "you're just like sunshine" and people won't understand and so maybe the words will be meaningless, but if they ever take the time to find a translation it'll make them happy.

I kinda still hate engo, by the way. So I've been thinking, and let's just have a bit more of future fears, yeah?

So I've been thinking, and life sucks. That was my conclusion. Pretty much, I know all I want is happiness, but how to get there is so strangely confusing. If I become an engineer, I'll hopefully make money, and I'll have a nice degree, and everybody will be proud.  But I may not be happy because I won't be following a career that I actually like. But it's life, ain't it? You put up with the things you don't like so you can survive. I still need to build an good future for my kids to live in. Ugh, and so I was thinking before, right? (whhhhaaaatttttt) And I was like, but I don't wanna engo, I wanna be happy and write forever and go do crazy things. Have fun. But now that I think about it again, I can do those things with an engineering degree. Pretty much, it stemmed from meeting an ex-canley student at kmart who Maria used to like. Maria and I were browsing stuff there after uni and then we saw him. He said hi and pretty much spent an hour lecturing us about life :L He said he was pretty damn happy because he was living out his dream and that's what  I want. To be damn happy. He talked about how he did what he wanted to do, and how he broke into an abandoned warehouse with a friend, breaking light bulbs and running from the cops. He talked about all the things he had done and how they helped him grow. But whenever I think about it, I can't help but feel that he'll fall. He'll get cocky or he'll burn up, too close to the sun. LOL sorry if this paragraph is a bit confusing but I was rethinking everything half-way through. And this is my new conclusion - life sucks, but not completely. You do have to do the things you don't want to, and you might become everything you said you wouldn't, but you can still sift in between all the beautiful things every now and then. You can still go to the beach and take tourist-y photos with your friends, you can still run crazy through the night and you can still feed your passion - you just have to grow up and do what you have to first. You can't have everything.

That's all.

Bye.