Wednesday 30 July 2014

Blinded with hot gas and carving off steam.

Direction.

A direction!

I can see it, I can feel it. 

It's there. 

I've been waiting for you.

I finally did some research into what I need to do to apply to AFTRS (Australian Film, Television and Radio School) and NIDA (National Institute of Dramatic Arts) and when to do it by and pretty much;

For AFTRS, I need to write a short story based on given stimuli, write a fairly short critical analysis on an aspect of a film or tv show and to show off my "best work" - application due on the 1st of November.

I'm excited because I have something to do! I have something to strive for. I no longer have to lounge about! I wonder what I end up writing. It's so scary though. I read the outline of the course and they're like "We're looking for deep shit, interesting stuff - out there kinda things" and I am so afraid. Of course, of course, of course, OF COURSE, I don't have any faith in myself or my ability. But I can only try. What use are those feelings anyway? I have three months to produce three things and so far, I don't have a best work so I have to make one lol. I hope I can do it, I really do.

For NIDA,

I have to prepare a bunch of monologues, two contemporary and one Shakespeare I think?? And once I finish, they either call you back or you don't get in. ... I'm much more excited for the aftrs course because it's more my domain. But I'll apply to NIDA too because I just wanna know.

So yeah, I'm excited and it's been so damn long since I've been this excited about my life. But I'm also so very, very afraid of what might happen. 

I'm slowly finding my bearings, guys. Maybe I'll get out of this funk, this fog. We shall see.

Dasvidaniya <3

Monday 28 July 2014

Guilt Among Other Things

This one time I went clubbing and it wasn't home to my proudest moments. I wasn't quite myself that night. I was rude and sleazy and I wish I hadn't done the things I had done. There's one person I'd like to apologise to so sincerely and so deeply. I'm sure what I did barely phased you but I hate myself for it. I'm sorry.

You know those nights where you're invited out to paint the town red and you want to, but you're a bit tired? You find trivial reasons to avoid going. But within those nights, there are the ones where you say, "You know what? I haven't gone out in a while" or, "the holidays are almost over" or, "you deserve this". So you push yourself to go. And you do and it's just the absolute best when you end the night going, "I'm so glad I left the house tonight."

That night wasn't like that. I wish I had never gone. I'd never felt so lonely and alone before. But I guess, if I were to be optimistic, I'd learn from this. I'll never be that person again. That night and my actions were so regretful but now they can be a lesson learnt. I'll always cringe at myself but I guess I just have to move on. Wherever you are, Daniel - know that I'm sorry. May we never meet again.

Anyways, let's end this post with an extract of a poem - an extract that I reaaaally like:

"Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay."

- Robert Frost, Nothing Gold Can Stay

Thanks for reading, bye!

Wednesday 23 July 2014

Get a little bit of bourbon in ya, get a little bit suburban and go crazy.

I haven't blogged properly in the longest time and you guys deserve better.

Of course, not much, and yet too much to talk about, has happened- so you guys probably aren't going to get "better" from me.

  • I went mandarin picking and it felt so nice to be out in the open. The kik felt like a second family and we all had fun taking pictures with racist trees and batting mandarins out of the farm. 
  • Then there was the day we went to a lookout. The views along the way to the lookout were orgasmic. The sun was slowly setting and the sound-of-music-like hills were alive and shining. 
  • The lookout itself was stunning. We stood over the vastest valley and I'm not quite sure how to describe the feeling. But I'll try. We were four people made so little by such an enormous and beautiful landscape and yet we stood above it all. And that in itself felt amazing, because we were conquering the landscape and it stretched infinitely both to our left and right. Imagine the feeling that comes with that. That's what I felt. It was great. 
  • And then on the drive back, we blasted music and sang old hits from the naughties. And at one point we stopped and popped our heads out the window, leaning back and staring deep into space. It was gorgeous. 

I'm heading off for Byron Bay at 5am and it's almost four. I haven't packed so I guess I should end this post soon. I'm so excited because I'm going to Splendour in the Grass!!! I can't wait to sing along to Childish Gambino and dance to Peking Duk. And then there's Outkast!!!! I'm sorry, Miss Jackson, ooh! It's gonna be mad fun.

O.M.G. Fashion crisis!!!! (...) So my group decided that we'd all go in gumboots, right? And I had these big white industrial rubber boots but they didn't go with my outfit because my outfit was darker colours. So I went out to go buy a white jacket or jumper so I could even out the white, tie it around my waist. Well, I did, and I tried on the whole outfit and it looks weird! Like the black and white + the navy with floral???? I put a white snapback on top and it was just awful. Then I took the white jumper (that I had just bought) off and the outfit looked fine. The white gumboots didn't ruin the rest of the outfit at all. But I already bought the forty dollar jumper :(((( So I've decided to just go with it. I'm wearing it all hahaha I'll post pics later.

I think I know why I'm worrying about my appearance so much. Basically, I was hanging with Jess' friends a long while ago and they are HIP. They're cool people who like cool things and go to cool places in their cool clothes. And they saw this girl with beetlejuice tights (black and white vertical stripes) and the hip girl was like ew, gross. And they made fun of her fashion choices. I don't want to give the impression that these people were mean people or that the beetlejuice pants weren't terrible (because they are nice people and those pants were not the best) but the whole notion intimidates me. And splendour is gonna have so many hip people in hip attire and if I dare at all with my own fashion choices, I'm afraid I'll be laughed at. And the worst part is, I won't ever know because these people don't laugh in your face. And suddenly you think everybody is, when maybe they're not. It's ridiculous of me but truly hip people intimidate me. They really do. How pathetic.

Anyways, I should start packing, I'm getting picked up in a little over an hour!

Goodbye, blog-readers. I'll see you soon enough. WAIT, I have a webcam, I'll pix my outfit riiiiiight NOW!

dw mama, I put down old towels to protect the good of the furniture-ish

hahahaha, I hope I don't die.
Anyways, bye now!

Tuesday 15 July 2014

あなたが虹のように美しいね

Ka-ka-ka-kawaii
Vicky looks nice in this pic
We're shocked and also aroused
Candiddddd
My yin n yang outfit desu, so excite